March 2025 Meeting Speaker Recap
Narcissism Sparks Interest and Reflection
by Lisa Robbins
Is narcissism encouraged in today’s society?
Western culture certainly champions consumerism. Many people devote more time to their ‘me machines’ than they do to any other activity. Today’s most successful social media campaigns collect followers and ‘likes’; we’re expected to promote ourselves, trumpet our talents, even exaggerate them, in order to attract more followers and ‘likes’. We encourage children to excel in everything. Surely this nurtures narcissism. Is there a cure for this personality disorder?
These are some of the observations and questions that peppered psychotherapist Dr. Alessandra Capelli’s WIN talk on Narcissism in March, 2025. Listeners engaged with the speaker at several points during her presentation. Her topic fueled personal confessions from those living with narcissistic partners.
Capelli defined a quintessential narcissist as someone who cannot realise his full identity, whose lack of empathy and sense of entitlement make him difficult to tolerate. Of course, our speaker referred to female narcissists too; let my male pronoun serve both sexes.
Using a power point presentation, she summarised the Greek myth of the youth who gazes obsessively at his own reflection in a pond. He refuses be a part of the world, rejects the loving call of the nymph Echo, and ultimately drowns in his own image.
What causes Narcissism?
This unhealthy personality is incapable of entering or sustaining a meaningful relationship, said Capelli. He has no emotions and loves what others see in him; inside is loneliness and emptiness. He seeks admiration and depends on it to measure self-worth.
There is such a thing as a healthy narcissist, the speaker conceded. This might be a brilliant, accomplished, pleasant person, who works for himself and for others – people he genuinely admires and respects. A healthy narcissist is most often the product of good caregivers who have gifted him with a happy upbringing.
Conversely, a childhood trauma of neglect, rejection or abandonment often gives rise to an unhealthy narcissist. Something in earlier years did not provide the nurture of belonging and being loved. Capelli cited the plight of children in an orphanage, given food and clothing but no love or attention. Or perhaps parents had no time to love or support their child. Or perhaps parents were hypercritical, insisting on impossibly high standards. From a young age, this child would feel deeply insecure, doubt himself, be ashamed because he could not live up to expectations. In the scenarios above, he would feel vulnerable and unworthy. To compensate for his perceived inadequacy, he would cultivate a grandiose sense of self. He would marry a partner who could honour him and make him feel special. Alas, his childhood would come back to haunt him; a narcissist often strikes out at loved ones in ‘exploitive relations that allow him to explore the humiliation and impotence he suffered,’ Capelli explained. A malignant narcissist would go further down this path, exhibiting envy, lust for power and aggression, she added.
Famous contemporary examples
Capelli pointed out the panache with which Hannibal Lecter, sociopath in the film ‘Silence of the Lambs’, manipulates Clarice Starling, the intelligent FBI trainee. When Clarice appeals to Lecter to help with her detective work – both Lecter and Buffalo Bill, (Starling’s quarry), are serial killers – the narcissistic sociopath deftly violates her boundaries. Clarice is drawn into his web.
Today we have the meglomaniacal US President Donald Trump as a salient narcissist who controls those around them in order to feel worthy, Capelli noted.
The speaker concluded her talk by citing prominent psychotherapists and psychologists who have contributed to our understanding of this destructive personality, and to the fortunate support now available for these patients and their loved ones. Much progress has been made since Freud first pronounced the condition incurable.
BIO:
Dr Alessandra Capelli is a humanities professional. She describes her personal style as one based on listening, kindness, elegance, knowing how to build safe boundaries and constructiveness. ‘My work is derived from systemic approach and offers a collaborative and pleasant climate.